The Final Boss

The collective gaslighting that is Christmas

Merry holidays to everyone who celebrates. I hope that you have been fully immersed in the fairytale that is Christmas: surrounded by music, good food, presents, decorations and of course the family you love so dearly.
Though let’s be honest, you probably haven’t, or at least it probably hasn’t felt like it. When was the last time you felt “the Christmas Spirit“? Reflecting on it these past weeks, I realised that Christmas-time is more like a collective gaslighting experience! We paint a picture of it all through books, movies and song and hope that feeding on that media will bring the feeling somehow closer. And yet it never really does.

I know that for me, the month of December has always felt like the accumulation of every possible stress into one 24-day marathon. So much so that this year I dubbed it “the Final Boss“ of the year.

Think about it. All year round you face different challenges socially, at work and in your planning, but it is in December specifically that all of these challenges are thrown at you all at once. It’s like a test of how well you’ve prepared and what you have saved in your inventory while the Final Boss keeps pitching curveballs of all sorts of situations at you, with the added treat of various infectious diseases!

However, over my 26 years of being alive I think I’ve become increasingly better at handling this boss-fight. I can predict my family, I’m better at saying NO to projects that I don’t really have time for, I’ve realized that I do not need to create hand-made Christmas cards for everyone just because I can draw, and I’ve learned to take note of things that people wish for throughout the year, so that I can surprise them with a nice gift during the holidays if I want. So unsurprisingly, I was dodging the stress-daggers at a record smoothness, but despite everything, there were still things I could not predict.

Many months ago when I was still unemployed, I had made a promise to come and give 2 lectures about comics to two big groups of kids at the school my grandma teaches at. Soon after, I got a job (which I still have) but the promise had been made, so I had to make the presentation and exercises while also organizing everything else for Christmas.

I barely slept at all the night before. That’s how anxious I was. And then: The talk went catastrophically bad due to some major tech issues that had not been dealt with by the school. And two days later, I fell insanely ill. Like 39*C-fever-for-multiple-days-straight-ill. And because I had the flu, I ended up having to isolate on Christmas (we have a small baby in the family). Christmas day, if you didn’t know, is also my birthday:)

And so I was alone on both Christmas and my birthday. Sitting in my room with a piece of cake and potted plant I had decorated as my tree. I can’t say I wasn’t bummed, but I tried to keep being cheerful and push through. Then something very sweet happened. My whole big family had gathered on the porch of the house to sing happy birthday to me through the window. It was so wholesome! I made a sign that said “Merry Christmas“ and waved it at them in return. Back in my room, I lit a bunch of candles and switch on a video call where I could spend the day with my family at least digitally. Ironically, all of this made me feel quite special. I could even feel some Christmas cheer, you could say.

Apart from those moments though it’s been a rough one to say the least. I’ve barely had energy to stand up, let alone draw or do anything else productive. Only now that I’m better did I draw a little illustration of the birds I saw outside my grandparents’ window.

How have your holidays been, reader? Were the very stressful or have you learned to master the boss-fight? I know that next year I’ll equip myself with a flu vaccine before this grand finale approaches!

I’m looking forward to writing more newsletters in the coming year too! I’ve had a long break now because of the job I got (I’m the only background artist on an animated show…), but I know I will get into it again. This has been a truly fun and enjoyable experience, and I’m really happy whenever any of you have left a like or a comment. Keep on coming by and I’ll see you in the next one;)<3

D.